A Toilet Paper Clutching Easter

No one could’ve anticipated these past few weeks a year ago.  It is easy to stare at the figures and panic.  I see the “closed cases” results world wide with a 16% death rate…..it seems so high, and I tell myself that maybe all the positive recovery cases just haven’t resolved yet.  But maybe that isn't the case, maybe it will go higher.  The first time I saw it, it was only at 9%.

Life is different for the foreseeable future, maybe forever.  I’ve mourned for lives lost this week.  I cried as Italy’s Prime Minister exclaimed, “We have lost it on Earth, we now seek mercy from the skies.” His pain of what felt like losing a nation with over 2000 deaths in just four days was gut wrenching.  And there can be fear in the possibility of it happening here, to those around us, our loved ones or ourselves.

What is there to do?

In the US, we bought toilet paper.  It seems so logical, right?  As I received toilet paper memes and pictures from my family out in the pacific northwest I knew it was coming my direction to Iowa.  I was prepared and stocked on toilet paper luckily.

The loss of readily available toilet paper was quickly followed by some medications, bread, eggs….those all made a little more sense to me.

When school closures came and people worked from home the need for toilet paper shifted to a need for larger food quantities.  People had to work from home which meant more food at home.  Job losses came and financial worries became even more pressing.

Yet for some reason, we still check for toilet paper when at the store.  Just to be prepared.  Perhaps we will tell ourselves that the world is normalizing if we see it in stock.

My friends….it is as if the whole world realized all at once that we and our loved ones will someday die, yet this is the one sure thing here on this earth.  Death is real.  Yet we clutch that toilet paper tightly to prepare ourselves for hunkering down or getting sick.  We lock our vulnerable people, parents and grandparents up (rightly so at this point in time!).  We stay inside to flatten the curve of this disease and hopefully hinder the spread of it.

It may be that this issue of toilet paper is relatable….the need for toilet paper crosses all spans of our country; from the rich, poor, celebrities, blue collar workers, children…..everyone needs toilet paper.

As we slowly march forward in these new life restrictions, fears and limited gatherings; one thing I have watched in fascination has been how people respond and have looked for ways to continue developing a sense of community.

My town is doing a “heart hunters” for kids.  People are hanging hearts and teddy bears up in windows for kids to search for as they walk.  Friends honk their car horns as they drive by, reminding me that they are around.

Communities have turned to online venues for connection.  Churches have changed in person gatherings to online platforms to stay connected and encourage one another. We still need these connections.

This nasty virus, COVID-19, is a term no one knew months ago yet now we can’t get away from it and it’s impacts to life. It’s highly infectious and you may not even know you have it they say.  I wish it wasn’t real.  I wish it were an overexaggerated scenario that in the end we are told, “oh oops, good job at staying indoors for a few weeks, it’s really just nothing,” but I don’t get the vibe that it is heading that direction.

So, what do we do when we approach the unknown, uncertainty, of sickness of loved ones and thoughts of death?  We buy toilet paper.

I have a confession that may be offensive.  As I’ve mourned this past week, as I’ve taken precautions to stay in and follow CDC guidances, as I’ve hoped for positive outcomes and selfishly to have no one I know personally impacted by this tragedy, as I’ve prayed……I’ve been at peace.  Not a peace of knowing bad things won’t happen…they will…but a peace in what really matters in the depths of life and death.

Maybe I can excuse this peace away by saying, “I don’t have kids to worry about who I am locked in with,” or that “I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home for now,” or  “I have food and know how to cook random things that will last awhile,” or that “I have toilet paper.”  That’s not where the peace comes from though.

As Easter approaches, where we celebrate the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, I can’t help but ponder at the ultimate peace and life He has given us. 

There are multiple emotions with peace.   There can still be mourning within peace.  There can still be sadness.  If restrictions continue, we may just all be huddled around screens this upcoming Easter.  No fun Easter dresses to celebrate the resurrection, no potluck breakfast gatherings, no hugs, no in person community gatherings. As this makes me completely and utterly sad, there is also a peace in knowing that Easter was never about the dresses and potlucks to begin with.  But a celebration of life and of restoration.

My world view is such that I already believe this world is infected.  Even though it was created perfectly, it was infected by sin and we were separated from God. We could never be in the presence of a holy God with this sin we are infected by. And as much as we try, there is nothing we can do in and of ourselves to cure this.

We try to be good, to make a difference, to try and do things on our own.  But we can’t.  These things are just as useful as us clutching toilet paper to solve a pandemic. 

Useless.  I wonder if God looks at us sometimes in our good works and just thinks…..”they’ve lost it again, those toilet paper clutchers.”

My peace comes from already knowing the end.

See, my world view also tells of a God who wants a relationship with people, and who’s son paid a price that we could not pay on our own.  He lived the perfect life that we could not, without sin.  He conquered death and restored relationships with God through him.

It's already been completed; giving us a life beyond these temporal matters of toilet paper, sickness, disease and loss.  Giving us a life of peace and assured future as Jesus has already conquered the ultimate issue of sin and eternal death.  

Are good works needed?  Not to God, but yes we need them.  Our neighbors and family need them.  God also created us to be in community.

I have found little things to smile at in life lately.  Just yesterday, a little neighbor boy was furiously riding his toy tractor in his driveway.  The tractor sent bubbles spilling out as he peddled.  I’d never seen a bubble tractor before.  He’d peddle faster and faster to make more bubbles.  They filled the entire street and went at least forty feet up in the air creating a beautiful wall of peaceful bubbles that surrounded his giggles.  I don’t think he was worried about the toilet paper in that instance.

I miss people.  I miss community.  I mourn for things I had just weeks ago. But there are also things that have come from this time that I have been loving and at peace with.  Perhaps they have been glimpses of God peeling toilet paper out of my clutched hands and reminding me that He is the real answer to the much bigger life issue.

I know it’s cheesy, but I hope that during this time I can be a bubble maker instead of a toilet paper clutcher.  Resting in the peace that in the end; God is stronger no matter the results.

John 16:33
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 17:13-14

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord