Building a Home in Exile

I had to vote today.  I didn't want to since I already know that the person who will get it does not align with my personal beliefs.  But voting is a right and a freedom that I highly value and will always exercise. There are multiple theories this year on how to vote…...for the supreme court, for the better politician, for party affiliations, for third party affiliations (but do they count or not?!). 

I hate discussing politics, it’s easy to be offended or offend others no matter what you believe.  As a Christian there is the added element of feeling like I need to vote for the right candidate (the one that God would pick of course).  At this point, with the options presented, I have to trust that God puts leaders of nations in place for a reason, and that this year will be no different.  I do believe that our nation has issues and that we will continue to have issues.  We also have passionate people who are on opposing sides of political and social issues.  We are not a nation at ease and rest.  I know my vote doesn’t impact government on a national level.  I am left to my small area of influence in my own life to impact the lives of those around me.   

Recently I’ve been thinking of making some life changes.  Decisions weigh heavily upon me; to move to a different community, whose lives to be involved in and what ministries to be part of in these potential changes.  These decisions weigh even more heavily because while I can’t control national influence, I can choose where to be involved at on a personal level.

I have heard Jeremiah 29:11 my entire life.  It is on plaques in churches, on greeting cards, and one of the few verses that most people in the Christian community have heard, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  I can still sing the song that goes along with this verse that I learned as a shy, squeaky 4 year old.  Growing up I always thought this verse mean that no matter what, life was supposed to be good with God.  As an adult, I suppose it depends on how you define “good” and what you place value in.

The context of the Jeremiah passage had to do with Israel being exiled to Babylon.  Their entire nation was captured and it is not what I would define as “good.”  God spoke to the surviving elders, priests, prophets and people taken into exile.  They were in a broken place in life.  They would have lost family, homes, and their own identities (with names being changed from their Israelite names to Babylonian names in some instances as this is the time of Daniel).  I would image, that anyone in this situation would be crying out to God to be rescued.  Instead, God tells them this:  Jeremiah 29:5-11 

“This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. ⁶ Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. ⁷ Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” ⁸ Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. ⁹ They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the Lord. ¹⁰ This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

When we look back at Jeremiah 29:4, God does not sugar coat or minimize the Israelite’s infirmities, but in fact, confirms them and even takes ownership over them.  He took responsibility for exiling them, not the Babylonians, and He was there with them through it.  He also told them to prosper in it and to pray because they would be there a long time, and THEN he would bring them out of it.
It is easy to tell God that you trust Him in the good times.  It is hard to live this out when hardships come and our trust is pushed up against our own borders.  

When I’m at low points in life, or stressing over life and politics, I generally hope that God’s response is not “settle in for a while because it is staying the same and I’m not fixing this one right away.”  For the Israelites, seventy years was a whole life time.  He also tells them to increase.  Not to hole up and mope, but to prosper in this hard time for them.  Just to add a little sting for the Israelites, God asks them to care for the people and the city that just captured them.  

This passage made me think of how God has worked in my life and those around me.  I plan my life and how I think it should be, yet God continues to maintain the author rights.  Wherever I may be located at in life or what is going on in my country, I can impact those around me in a positive way.  No, I am not in exile even though it can feel like it or that it is heading that direction.    I can struggle and have dark times, or over analyze a situation or conversation and worry about things that I can’t control. 

Thank God He knows me better than I know myself, because I can continually look back and see things that have happened for a reason in life even when they seemed void of purpose at the time. 

The message He gave to Israel is still valid for us.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  In the midst of dark times, He is still present and we can hope for the future that is far beyond our situations and beyond politics.

The Proverbs 31 Checklist

I like checklists.  Maybe it is because there is a feeling of accomplishment when checking off an item, or maybe it is because I know I’m not forgetting something, or maybe I just like the structure and guidelines they provide.  When you complete a checklist you know you’ve done what needs to be done and you’ve hopefully done it right.

The thing with checklists is they can also make you feel inadequate.  If everything isn’t completed then I tend to not focus on what has been completed but on what I have missed or messed up on.  The feeling of inadequacy can be deafening.

I have heard this feeling of inadequacy expressed by many other women lately.  It is a common feeling yet is generally a hidden feeling.  We try to put forth a good image and it can be exhausting.  I don’t know why we do this.  I know others don’t judge me as often as I think they do and I don’t judge other women as often as they probably think I do.  Yet we all put this pressure on ourselves to be perfect.  It’s partially due to our society, but that is a whole other issue.

I’ve been reading Proverbs 31 lately.  It’s really annoying.  It’s hard not read it as being quoted at women to say “see, you need to behave like this.”  If I’m honest, it’s my least favorite passage, but I know there’s a reason for it.  It is hard to not look at this passage as a checklist.  I’ve been trying to dive in and be more positive about this passage lately.

First off, there are different interpretations, some people think it was meant as a guide on how to choose a godly wife, some people think it is reflective of how the church should be as the bride of Christ, and some think it is just a poem.  It is written in the form of an acrostic (each verse beginning with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet). 

The point is, no matter the intention of this passage, it has been easy for our Christian culture to turn this passage into an unrealistic checklist and guideline for women to strive for.

Chapter 31 actually starts with nine other verses that begin with, “The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:”   So, thank you King Lemuel’s mother, from every female that is already terrified of a future mother-in-law’s expectations for their baby boy. 

The Woman Who Fears the Lord (Proverbs 31:10-31)

^10 [d] An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
    and works with willing hands.
¹⁴ She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
    and portions for her maidens.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She dresses herself^[e] with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ She puts her hands to the distaff,
    and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰ She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.^[f]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
    her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.

 

In case you missed all of that, basically the checklist for the perfect woman is:

• Not real, because as verse 10 states, who can find her?
• Trusted by her husband’s heart
• Does good and not harm, every single day.
• Works Hard
• Takes care of her family
• Gets up early to make sure everything is in order
• Provides for those she is responsible for or in charge of
• Is a savvy business woman who is able to consider property and invest
• Is Strong
• Ambitious and not lazy
• Works with the poor and betters her community
• Has strength, dignity and confidence (she doesn’t worry)
• Wise
• Teaches kindness
• Her children bless her (so they must be perfect little angels)
• Her husband praises her (so he must be impressed)
• She is better than all other women and has surpassed them
• She fears the Lord
• Is known in her city for because of all the good things she does

What in the world….…..thank you King Lemuel’s mom for teaching men everywhere to hold future wives to this expectation and to haunt Christian women forever.  It can be dangerously easy to look at this as a checklist, and instantly feel inadequate.  There is more to it than that though.

The whole point of this passage is a picture of a woman who fears the Lord.  Not being afraid of the Lord, but seeking Him, obeying Him, having a relationship with Him.  You can't follow a checklist in a relationship, it doesn't work that way.  But when we seek God, the rest follows, and it follows more naturally than trying to meet unrealistic expectations and being perfect.

A woman who seeks God has an inner strength and as verse 25 says she laughs at the days to come.  She’s not worried because her confidence and hope is in God.  When her confidence is in God then she no longer tries to put forth an unrealistic picture of herself and can just be genuine and real.  She has given her insecurities to God (and probably continually has to do so) and knows what God’s purpose is for her life; being in a relationship with God and reflecting Him to others. 

This woman’s life matters! She has put aside expectations of others and is focused on God.  She is active, speaking wisdom, being a blessing, taking care of her children and the poor and has a servant’s heart.  This woman has a life that is marked with good works because of her love for God.  Not because she is perfect and trying to accomplish more perfectness, she is probably far from perfect.

Because of her relationship with God and her confidence in him, her society is better, her home life is better, and her community is better.  Not because of her and efforts she is putting in on her own, but because of what God is doing in her relationship with Him.

One of my favorite things about this passage is when it actually references her husband, the Proverbs 31 man.  It never mentions love in the sense of romance or passion but in vs 11 states, “The heart of her husband trusts in her.”  This is probably the most romantic thing I have ever heard.  Trusting another with your heart is hard.  But this is a deeper type of trust reflecting a much deeper love than just romance.  It’s based on a confidence that she is in a relationship with God along with him, and that they together can trust each other as they continue to trust in God. 

We need more women like this; women who have a relationship with God and wherever they are at in life are seeking Him and in doing so it overflows to others.

So I will put aside my love of checklists and recognize this not as a passage meant to be an intimidating list of requirements, but rather one that reflects the beauty of a relationship with God.

And to my future husband who hopefully has been protected from looking at this passage as expectations for me.....I look forward to when our hearts can trust in each other......because of our relationships with God and not because of expectations of each other.

In Spite Of

There can be a lot of pressure to be perfect.  To have a put together life or do well at jobs, relationships, ministries, etc.  I’ve been contemplating recently how God works in spite of us.  There’s really nothing we can do without Him.  There are many times I’ve felt that God has done something in spite of me and that my own strength could never be enough.  I try to do things on my own, but know that it ultimately is useless.  Maybe it’s in a relationship, job or ministry that I am frustrated with and have trouble mentally carrying out, but He uses it.  Or maybe I am stubborn and try to do my own thing but He gently works in the situation in spite of me.

I recently read Jonah.  Jonah is a classic Bible story that I heard repeatedly growing up with multiple flannel graph versions of it.  I used to think this story was just about a man, a whale, and a city.  It’s far more than that and an encouragement on how God works in spite of us.

This story is set in Nineveh which is modern day northern Iraq, a little north of Baghdad.  It was known as a great city during this time but also for its wickedness.  Jonah is instructed by God to go to Nineveh and preach against it.  Jonah’s response to this is to flee God.  He doesn’t want to go to that area.  Quite frankly, I wouldn’t either.

In the very first chapter of Jonah we see him fleeing God’s presence and calling.  He hops a ship and tries to go in the opposite direction.  This doesn’t seem like the action we would expect from a prophet in the Bible.

One of the ironies that I love is that he is on a boat with sailors who believed in other gods.  A huge storm comes along and they are fearful for their lives and cry out to their gods with no resolution.  They had to actually ask Jonah to call out to his God.  You would think it would be Jonah preaching to the sailors, but it is not.  The sailors already knew he was running from his God, but now they were seeing the power of his God.  Jonah never does cry out to God to rescue them but tells the sailors that the God he worships made the land and sea.  Rather than crying out to God, Jonah recommends that they throw him over and kill him.  He is essentially telling them to kill him rather than calling on God.

The first chapter ends with the sailors themselves crying out to God, throwing Jonah overboard and turning to God.  God used Jonah fleeing his presence to turn pagan sailors towards him, in spite of Jonah.

Maybe Jonah thought he won, and had escaped God by being thrown overboard.   Maybe God could have let Jonah die and sent someone else, someone more willing.  But that’s not what happened.  God sent a fish to swallow Jonah and to preserve his life.  After three days in the whale Jonah finally cries out to God.  In Jonah 2:7-9 he says:

“When my life was ebbing away,
    I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
    to your holy temple.

8 “Those who cling to worthless idols
    turn away from God’s love for them.
9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
    will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
    I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”

Then God has the fish vomit Jonah up.  Gross.  I really doubt Jonah spent three days in a whale and smelled great.  At this point in the story I picture him as covered in vomit, smelling like the inside of a fish, and having corroded skin.  While there is speculation on if fish or whales currently known to us could swallow a human, there is an understanding that the gastric juices of the fish would change the skin, probably to a ghostly whiteness and wrinkling the skin (way more than just staying in a bathtub for too long).  

So now we have Jonah, back on the same page with God and heading towards Nineveh possibly looking like a wrinkly ghost.

Nineveh was a large city and according to Jonah 3 it took three days to go through Nineveh.  Jonah only spent one day.  The message he preached was, “Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.”  It doesn’t say that he told people to repent, just that the city would be overthrown.  It doesn’t appear that Jonah put much effort into giving them God’s message.  In spite of Jonah, the word spread through all of Nineveh and the people repented.  Even the king made a decree to let everyone urgently call on God and that “Who knows?  God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.” God ends up hearing their repentance and sparing the city.

But where does that leave Jonah?  He had forty days to preach to Nineveh but only went one day journey into the city.  Jonah became angry with God and in Chapter 4 actually tells God that he would rather die than see the people of Nineveh repent.

“Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. ³ Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”

Jonah keeps telling God it would be better to die than to see these people saved. God used Jonah to save many people and bring them to God but Jonah saw their wickedness as too great to be compassionate for.

In a sense, my humanity understands where Jonah is coming from.  I wouldn’t want to go to Iraq and preach repentance.  But God is compassionate and works in spite of us.

I continue to pray that no matter where I may be in life or what my circumstances are, that God works in spite of me.  I know I don't have to be perfect and can simply follow his calling, whatever that may be in life.  I am ultimately no better than Jonah and need God just as much as the sailors, Nineveh and Jonah.  Thank God that He accomplishes things in spite of me.

The Echoes of Pain

He is in pain.  The worst type of pain, the type that includes a loss of hope, a loss of faith in others and stems from a loss of love; it’s a common life pain.  This pain runs deep and whenever it surfaces brings other pains with it.  Pains from other areas of life that seem to be buried deep beneath the surface yet always rise to the occasion and join in with the fresh pain.  This pain will go away, with time, but it may come again in the future, as part of the past pains when a new pain comes.  It could be prevented.  A heart can be hardened and protected, but can it ever truly be full then?  It’s a risk, to un-harden a heart, to try to remove the callouses and risk the pain.  The pain in the pain is sometimes from knowing it could have been prevented.  That it never needed to be there.   But it does need to be there.  To fully love, it needs to be there.  

There is pain in watching him.  A pain in knowing his pain intimately as it echoes my own past pains.  Echoes of pain that once slashed deeply and viciously with very little hints of mercy.  A familiarity with the loss of hope and love.  I know it is not my pain, but for a moment it is mine as it hauntingly echoes.  A shared pain, yet not shared. His pain real; mine from the past, wanting to cry out, "I know, me too!" and to soothe and comfort as the echoes resound through me.  But echoes are different from the real pain, even though there is a familiarity with the pain, there has been healing. 

He’ll be okay. He’s in God’s hands.  The pain is in God’s hands.  Someday, his pain too, will just be an echo.


*Original Post from October 2, 2016

This Time I Will Praise The Lord

There are a few things, or relationships, in life that I have continually wanted or asked God for.  I am fine without them but they are not far from my prayers, and generally end up being the center of them, more than they should be if I am honest.

I’ve been thinking about prayer a lot lately and my relationship with God.  Prayer is an important piece of communication with God, and I’m recognizing that my prayers can be more “me” centered than God centered.  While I think it is important to bring desires and petitions to God, I’ve lately felt the need to bring more to God than that.  Specifically being thankful and bringing praise for what has been going on in my life, or what He may be doing in it without my knowledge, no matter the circumstances. 

Every now and then I read a passage in the Bible that I am familiar with, but it speaks to me in a new way.  Recently, I have been thinking about women in the Bible, and specifically the story of Leah and Rachel in Genesis 29.

For light context purposes, Leah and Rachel were sisters. Leah was the older sister and we know that she “had weak eyes” and Rachel was the younger sister and beautiful.  Through a series of prior events, they end up married to the same man, Jacob.  Jacob loved Rachel more and was ultimately tricked into marrying Leah first and then married Rachel as well.  This scenario is a reality TV show just waiting to happen (Sister Wives, literally).    

I’ve related a lot to Leah in this story recently.  No, not because I’m married to a man who has an additional wife.  Women during this time period found their purpose in child bearing.  Having children meant they were building their estate and ensuring a future (especially if the children were male).  While these two women were very different from each other, they both wanted God to change their circumstances.  Leah desired the love of her husband (which Rachel had) and Rachel desired to have children (which Leah had). 

Leah’s responses to God in her circumstances have been resonating with me lately.

Genesis 29

31 When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. 32 Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”

33 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.

34 Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.

35 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.

I specifically have been focusing on Leah’s responses to having children.  She names her children in response to her circumstances and God.  

•  With Reuben she recognizes that God saw her.  She also says that surely her husband will love her.  She still desires the love of her husband which she does not have. God doesn’t change her circumstances and Jacob doesn’t love her as a result of her having Reuben.         
• With Simeon she recognizes that God heard her.  She again recognizes that she is not loved and still desires the love of her husband.  God still doesn’t change her circumstances and Jacob doesn’t love her as a result of having Simeon.
• With Levi she hopes that her husband will become attached to her, since she has now born him his first three children, all male.  Still, God doesn’t change her circumstances and Jacob doesn’t love her.
• With Judah, she simply responds, “This time I will praise the Lord.”

God didn’t change Leah’s circumstances and we know from the passages that follow that Jacob continues to love Rachel instead of Leah.  Yet Leah’s response of “This time I will praise the Lord” shows a heart shift within Leah.  She will go on to struggle with her lack of love from her husband and strife with her sister, yet she turns towards God in it.

Ironically in this story, Rachel has the love that Leah desires, yet does not have the children.  Later on we see her taking matters into her own hands and giving her servant to Jacob as a third wife in order to have children on Rachel’s behalf.  Leah ultimately follows suit and also give Jacob her servant as a fourth wife. 

The struggle between the women continue as both women desires what the other has (love or children).  Their struggles and circumstances ultimately impact their entire family.  We will never know the entirety of what God was doing in this situation and in their pain, but we can see some things that came from it.

In the end Jacob had 12 sons.  Rachel, the wife he loved, did not have a son until son number 11.  This son was Joseph.  Joseph was favored by his father as he was the son of the wife he loved, but perhaps also because of the time it took to even have a child with his favorite wife.  I think it would be a safe assumption that the strife between the wives would have impacted the family dynamic and influenced the first 10 sons.  They knew that Joseph was favored, and that Joseph’s mother was favored, and ultimately their jealousy of their brother led them to sell him as a slave.  This is a messed up family dynamic, but God ended up using it to put Joseph in a place to save Egypt during famine later in the story.  Rachel had to watch her husband have 10 other children before she had Joseph.  This would be painful but ultimately it was what saved Egypt and their family in the long run.

We sometimes will never know what God is doing behind the scenes.  It doesn’t ever say that Leah was loved by her husband, but she was the mother of six of his children (half of the tribes of Israel) and Judah, the son where she responds with “This time I will praise the Lord,” ends up having Jesus in his lineage. 

I have definitely had my Rachel and Leah moments in life situations.  I’ve tried to take matters into my own hands like Rachel and fix my circumstances, when maybe they were exactly what they needed to be.  I have also cried out to God like Leah and asked him to change my circumstances, over and over again.  Recently I’ve been thinking “This time I will praise God” in the circumstances or desires that go unchanged or unfilled.

I've been recognizing that my responses, or my conversations with God, should really be an attitude of praise rather than discontentment.  There are so many other things to be thankful for, and perhaps something bigger that He is doing that I cannot see, and will never see.