Why I Stayed In Church

There have been longstanding discussions of “younger people” leaving the church, specifically millennials. As a millennial I've been asked why I think young adults have left the church in this generation more than others.  I know there are a lot of opinions and research on this topic ranging from generation gaps, to failed youth groups, to blaming the generation before, to cultural differences, etc.  Normally these discussions are with the intention of preserving and growing the church, growing the people and they try to address the problem of “how to stop young people from leaving.”

I’m not going to try to even hypothesize and explain why millennials have left the church because there are multiple reasons and some are individual decisions or individual church issues.

I will however express why I, as a millennial, have stayed.

I grew up in the church and have been around churches most of my life, ones that I have been a member of and ones that I have not.  Each church I have attended or visited has been different and has had its own culture and community.  I have seen churches that strive to put on a good program, or ones that focus on community groups and connecting, or ones who focus on community outreach or family development.  Church culture generally depends on the individuals in the church and how they contribute or what their strengths are.  I’ve seen churches change the lives of people through resources God has given them, or through reaching out in love.  I’ve seen churches unintentionally hurt people.

I’ve stayed in the church.   I’ve stayed through church politics that I don’t agree with.  I’ve stayed through seeing congregations argue internally.  I’ve stayed through sometimes feeling that I can’t fully serve because of a church’s erring view on women serving.  I’ve stayed through frustrations and through being hurt by others.  I’ve stayed when at times I haven't wanted to.  I'm not pin-pointing one specific church because I believe this would be an issue anywhere.

The church is a messy place.  It’s a messy place because those in it are not perfect.  I am not perfect.  If I left church then I hurt myself the most, create divisions and questions within the church, and whatever my frustrations would be would not be resolved.  Those frustrations would move forward with me to a new church.

I believe there are times to leave a specific church community, depending on situations, but it’s important to look at what the frustration is and if it’s something that you disagree with biblically or if it is coming from yourself.  Sometimes it’s our own mistakes that are causing the friction, and we need to take ownership to resolve it or seek help to resolve it.  

I’ve stayed because I believe in what the church could be and is.  I’ve stayed because I have a love for the Christian community, and the broken people within it.  When I think of community I think of coming in and connecting and learning how to love better and serve better.  It can be hard to connect and pour your life into others.  But that’s the point of community, to lean in when people would lean out.  Church communities live life together in the messiness and serve God by serving each other and reaching out.

I stay because I want to be part of that.  I recognize that it will be messy but I also recognize that things will not change by me just leaving.  In fact, if they are ever to change then it takes people staying and being present in each other’s lives. 

When we leave, we generally leave with the idea of “church exists to benefit me and I’m not getting what I need out of it right now.”  If our idea of church is what we can take from it then we will never be happy and will go from church to church without resolving the real issue of ourselves.

There are some very real reasons that you should leave a church.  We generally jump to this as the first solution though rather than a last resort.  

Galatians 6:10 says, “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

There is a lot of opposition outside of the church in our world.  This is nothing new.  We should be reaching out into the community and into the lives of others, yet sometimes we get caught up in ourselves and have to deal with what’s on the inside of the church.

So before leaving a church, try to resolve whatever issue you are struggling with.  If it is people, try to reconcile and understand.  You may be more similar than you realize whether you are a millennial or not.

Check yourself first to see if there is anything you are being unrealistic about.  Have you elevated things to the level of the Apostles Creed that should not be there?  “I believe in God the Father almighty……I believe in this specific political party….I believe in this musical preference in church…..I believe I have to have this type of Bible study….I believe that the pastor has to do this……..I believe in…..”  

Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

This should be our approach to church community; to pour into others and stir up love and good works in them.

I admit, there are times I can look at other Christians I am frustrated with and just think, “I’m done, why do I put myself through this?” but I do it because others have done it for me.  Showing God’s love for others is not always easy.  That’s why it’s God’s love and sometimes not ours.  Or even better, it becomes ours because of God in us.

This is why I stay in church.  I stay because I have hope for what it could be.  I have hope for a group of messy, unfinished people who pour into each other and spur each other on to love and good works.  I don’t church hop because I want to form those relationships, no matter how hard.  I get a lot out of church and community by not looking for what I can get out of it but by being present in it.

This is why I have stayed.