Being Adopted

Foster Care and Adoption is something I’ve always thought of pursuing.  It was pointed out to me once that there is a strong need for single female foster parents for children who are traumatized by being around males. I’ve also told myself that if I am single when I am forty then I would love to buy a house and do foster care for teenage girls, but I wonder if I am strong enough for all that could come with that.

There are fears that come along with thinking of foster parenting and adoption.  There is always the concern of getting attached to a child, and then they end up going back to their parents.  Maybe they go back to a really bad situation.  I’ve told myself that if I were going to do foster care it would have to be with the mentality of loving that child while they were in my life and knowing that at least they would be safe while with me.  If I were going to adopt I would have to get over my own selfish feelings of “what if they want to go back to their real parents when I’m the one showing them real love.”  I know it would lead to heartbreak in some cases, but I don’t think it would stop me from doing it or loving them.

I’ve recently been thinking on this concept while comparing it to being an adopted child of God.  Sometimes I feel like a lost child with life circumstances that can be hard to see through.  The reality is, that as an adopted child of God, I don’t have to worry about any of those situations as I have God’s grace through Jesus.  My life concerns fail in comparison to what He has already eternally done for me by adopting me and bringing me into His family.

The reality is that I am not the best adopted child to have.  With as much as God has loved me and adopted me I still turn from Him sometimes.  If my fear in adoption is that a child would turn away from me and want to go back to real parents, then as an adopted child of God, I am the child in my own worst fear.  I turn from Him by sabotaging myself in subtle ways or falling prey to not believing Him when he tells me how amazing and loved I am.  I do to Him exactly what I fear a child would do to me someday.  I would rather go back to my “real parent sin nature” and follow my desires that I think will lead to happiness, rather than just be loved by Him.  My sin nature tries to call me home and I get tempted to ignore the love of my adopted Father that I know and have experienced.   

I was encouraged recently by a friend to revisit Ephesians 1 and some of the many spiritual blessings that we have as children of God. 

3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

11In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

The amount of love and blessings God has for me is astonishing.  To be able to have me as an adopted child, who continually must turn back to Him because of my wandering heart, speaks so highly of His love for me.  I am so grateful that His love for me is better. I am so glad that no matter what, I know where He stands and how He cares for me.

I recently listened to a sermon from a friend where he referenced the above passage in Ephesians and said, “We worship a God who loved us before the beginning of the world, gave us an inheritance, and when we screwed it up, He buys us back again.” 

The freedom from being loved immensely always draws me back to Him.  It always brings me back to a place where I can put aside my own selfish pursuits and just be loved, have fruitful relationships and love others from a genuine place because of Him and the knowledge that He loved me enough to adopt me.

I pray that if I ever do foster care or adopt a child it is without fears of how they would  or would not love me, but is from a  place of how much love I would have to give them.

Grace Upon Grace

“What makes Lutherans different from other Christians,” was a question recently posed by a neighboring woman who stopped by my church’s Saturday morning coffee cart outreach.  It led to a long conversation about God, life and world views.  I admit I am grateful for being there with a friend who is more articulate and knowledgeable than me in these situations.  My forte is more in the connecting with people in life daily and not necessarily the deep theological drive by questions.

It did get me thinking though.  The woman we talked with was vocal about her perspectives and her desire to just be a good person and preserve the world for the next generation. She knew some things about the Bible and had a faith in things such as the sun and moon, or balancing her heart and mind through Yoga.  She still asked questions though and I enjoyed the open conversation about what we believe.  Most people shy away from asking these types of questions.  Her perception of Christians was that most of our actions do not match what we say we believe.

I’ve never been good at being a Christian in the sense of doing everything perfect.  I thank God that me trying to be perfect is not the gospel.  I think of what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 15.

 Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, ² and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain.

³ For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, ⁴ that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, ⁵ and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. ⁶ Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep. ⁷ Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles. ⁸ Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me. ⁹ For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. ¹⁰ But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. ¹¹ Whether then it was I or they, so we preach and so you believed.

Paul was raised in religion.  He persecuted the church of God while thinking he was carrying out God’s will. He expresses feeling the least and unworthy of being called an apostle.  But he also expresses a deep understanding of grace and his ministry and actions that flow out of that grace.

I have thought a lot about grace lately and how continual it is in my life.  I’ve been through many life phases if you will. I’ve had the home schooled insecure nerdy childhood, the punk rock band days, the late-night college life with part-time jobs, the reckless party years, the years where you feel like you are living in an episode of “Friends,” the adult full-time work and full-time school years, and the intense career years.  When I look back at everything God has done with my life I can’t help but be grateful for the grace he has repeatedly given me in each phase of life.  There is a peace in knowing that wherever I have been or will be in life God’s grace remains.   Maybe He’ll keep me where I’m at, or maybe I’ll give up my career and raise a family someday.  His plans have always ended better than mine even when I don’t think they are.

I have been continually thinking on John 1:16 this past week:

¹⁶ For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

I can’t help but think of "grace upon grace" as a continually rolling ocean of the grace that God has given me daily in life.

I am thankful that from Christ’s fullness I have received grace upon grace and like Paul by the grace of God I am what I am. 

Today I am thankful that I do not have to be good at being a Christian. 

Broken Cracks

I recently sat around a living room with six of my closest friends discussing a hard dynamic that has heavily been on my heart and mind. The conversation included uncaged words, emotions and my tears. As my eyes began welling up I could sense the collective thoughts from my friends of, “Oh no, we broke Andrea.” The thing about friendship, real friendship, is that these moments come from a place of love and genuine concern for each other.  It wasn’t an intervention, but maybe it should have been.

There are areas in my life that are continual vices.  Areas that as strong as I can be, are sometimes too much for me alone.  I know that everyone has their own insecurities and struggles, but sometimes it’s easy to think that they are your own, and no one else understands them.  Or it is easy to bottle it up, bury it, and make life look clean and pretty.  Mine normally center around relationships, or unrealized relationships.  Sometimes I think God ironic, because one of my vices is also my biggest blessing in life. Sometimes I ask God to “fix” this area of my life, that being single is too much anymore.  With how deeply I feel things, I’ve probably been asking God for the very thing that I would need to try not to put above Him.  He has given me exactly what I have asked in some ways though.

In the moments that I feel like it can be too much, I have friends who have been willing to connect, care and weather the Andrea struggles with the good times too. That is what I’ve always wanted, someone to connect with, to share the beauty in life along with the struggles when they come up.

I’ve had a lot of deep introspective Andrea moments these past months.  What God has given me has been more than I ever would have guessed or desired and I know He’s faithful in knowing what I actually need.

I can’t help but marvel at the small moments over the last months that God has given me to remind me how much I enjoy where He has put me in this season of life.  There’s the coffee dates, the girls nights, the roommate who is quirky enough to handle my quirky, the married friends in my life who continue to show what a real relationship would look like.  I could go on and on.  I could mention sitting in the sun on lunch breaks with a good book or walking to Pike place every Monday to buy fruit for the week.  I could mention my Jersey hotdog vendor who calls me “honey pie” (I think that’s good?) or my morning bus rides with familiar strangers.  I could mention my gym and moving towards a healthier physical lifestyle, or the pizza place down the street where my local area friends gather at least once a week and comes complete with a cranky waiter/maybe owner named Pete, but Pete knows I like the house red wine. I could mention the multiple areas of community that I have in my life between work, church and friendship.

This is my life.   God has allowed me a to have a life where my brokenness and cracks are held together by His grace and mercy.  He has surrounded me with friends and multiple individuals who have been able to speak words of encouragement into my life in all areas.

I’ve learned that my life is what God has given me for this time.  I have also learned that I genuinely like it.  In the past when I have wanted things or life to be different God has remained faithful in what He knows I need.  I know He will do that each time in the future as well.

A constant prayer of mine has been that God would give me a heart to love others and see them as God loves and sees them, as I know He has given me people who love me in the same way.  Perhaps God has been answering this prayer, when being present in the pain can lead to loving others in their struggles.   Thank God for his grace and mercy as we live out lives with broken cracks held in His hands.

Why I Stayed In Church

There have been longstanding discussions of “younger people” leaving the church, specifically millennials. As a millennial I've been asked why I think young adults have left the church in this generation more than others.  I know there are a lot of opinions and research on this topic ranging from generation gaps, to failed youth groups, to blaming the generation before, to cultural differences, etc.  Normally these discussions are with the intention of preserving and growing the church, growing the people and they try to address the problem of “how to stop young people from leaving.”

I’m not going to try to even hypothesize and explain why millennials have left the church because there are multiple reasons and some are individual decisions or individual church issues.

I will however express why I, as a millennial, have stayed.

I grew up in the church and have been around churches most of my life, ones that I have been a member of and ones that I have not.  Each church I have attended or visited has been different and has had its own culture and community.  I have seen churches that strive to put on a good program, or ones that focus on community groups and connecting, or ones who focus on community outreach or family development.  Church culture generally depends on the individuals in the church and how they contribute or what their strengths are.  I’ve seen churches change the lives of people through resources God has given them, or through reaching out in love.  I’ve seen churches unintentionally hurt people.

I’ve stayed in the church.   I’ve stayed through church politics that I don’t agree with.  I’ve stayed through seeing congregations argue internally.  I’ve stayed through sometimes feeling that I can’t fully serve because of a church’s erring view on women serving.  I’ve stayed through frustrations and through being hurt by others.  I’ve stayed when at times I haven't wanted to.  I'm not pin-pointing one specific church because I believe this would be an issue anywhere.

The church is a messy place.  It’s a messy place because those in it are not perfect.  I am not perfect.  If I left church then I hurt myself the most, create divisions and questions within the church, and whatever my frustrations would be would not be resolved.  Those frustrations would move forward with me to a new church.

I believe there are times to leave a specific church community, depending on situations, but it’s important to look at what the frustration is and if it’s something that you disagree with biblically or if it is coming from yourself.  Sometimes it’s our own mistakes that are causing the friction, and we need to take ownership to resolve it or seek help to resolve it.  

I’ve stayed because I believe in what the church could be and is.  I’ve stayed because I have a love for the Christian community, and the broken people within it.  When I think of community I think of coming in and connecting and learning how to love better and serve better.  It can be hard to connect and pour your life into others.  But that’s the point of community, to lean in when people would lean out.  Church communities live life together in the messiness and serve God by serving each other and reaching out.

I stay because I want to be part of that.  I recognize that it will be messy but I also recognize that things will not change by me just leaving.  In fact, if they are ever to change then it takes people staying and being present in each other’s lives. 

When we leave, we generally leave with the idea of “church exists to benefit me and I’m not getting what I need out of it right now.”  If our idea of church is what we can take from it then we will never be happy and will go from church to church without resolving the real issue of ourselves.

There are some very real reasons that you should leave a church.  We generally jump to this as the first solution though rather than a last resort.  

Galatians 6:10 says, “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

There is a lot of opposition outside of the church in our world.  This is nothing new.  We should be reaching out into the community and into the lives of others, yet sometimes we get caught up in ourselves and have to deal with what’s on the inside of the church.

So before leaving a church, try to resolve whatever issue you are struggling with.  If it is people, try to reconcile and understand.  You may be more similar than you realize whether you are a millennial or not.

Check yourself first to see if there is anything you are being unrealistic about.  Have you elevated things to the level of the Apostles Creed that should not be there?  “I believe in God the Father almighty……I believe in this specific political party….I believe in this musical preference in church…..I believe I have to have this type of Bible study….I believe that the pastor has to do this……..I believe in…..”  

Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

This should be our approach to church community; to pour into others and stir up love and good works in them.

I admit, there are times I can look at other Christians I am frustrated with and just think, “I’m done, why do I put myself through this?” but I do it because others have done it for me.  Showing God’s love for others is not always easy.  That’s why it’s God’s love and sometimes not ours.  Or even better, it becomes ours because of God in us.

This is why I stay in church.  I stay because I have hope for what it could be.  I have hope for a group of messy, unfinished people who pour into each other and spur each other on to love and good works.  I don’t church hop because I want to form those relationships, no matter how hard.  I get a lot out of church and community by not looking for what I can get out of it but by being present in it.

This is why I have stayed.

"It's You, It's Always Been You"

I thought I would share something with you that I’ve been thinking on over the past few months since moving to Seattle.  This is more geared towards other single women, but maybe there is a little something for everyone in it.

So often as single women it is tempting to live in the future, to look forward to when life will start when you meet someone and fall in love and obtain the “happily ever after.”  The thought and desire to finally know who your person is can be intoxicating.  I think it is okay to hope for this, but there is a difference between hoping and not living life because you are waiting.

In general, I find that single women I talk to fall in a few different categories.  They are really good at guarding their heart and not liking men, or they easily fall for guys over and over.  I unfortunately fall into the latter category.  I’m picky, don’t get me wrong, but when I do find men that have the core qualities I like then I fall pretty hard and fast, and then normally don’t end up acting like myself around them because I get nervous; it’s a vicious circle.

There are times that I really despise the fact that I feel things strongly and that I wish I could stop feelings or control my heart.  But it is an aspect about myself that I also like in other areas.  There are romantic options in my life who I wish I did like and returned feelings for, because they have qualities I admire.  There are also romantic options who I wish I didn’t like anymore when they do no return my feelings.  “Hearts are wild creatures, that’s why our ribs are cages.” – Mark Beech. How I wish there was an on or off button, or a cage that blocked feelings  A heart cage to block feelings would sometimes be welcomed.

It can be a little tough as a single female sometimes. Other times it is the best thing in the world. 

I go through phases of loving being single, and hating it.  I’m currently heading into a “loving being single” time in my life.

I have gone through many thought processes over the years from being single and trying to figure out why God has kept me single. 

·         The “God’s punishing me” phase, because he knows how awful of a person I really am.

·         The “God’s forgotten me” phase, because he has better things to do than really worry about me.

·         The “God is keeping me single” phase, that maybe he can use me in my singleness

·         The “God is teaching me lessons”  phase, that maybe I’m just not ready for a relationship of that caliber

Over the last year I’ve actually been focusing on the fact that there is nothing more to it than just God’s timing. That doesn’t necessarily change restless hearts though.  As confident as I can be in life, and in God, my heart still struggles against me and sometimes against God.  Sometimes I want what is not in God’s timing.  This is when God and I wrestle.

This past week I had the opportunity to spend some time out by a lake for a few hours alone with God just reading and journaling.  I really don’t do this as often as I wish I could.  I can’t even explain the feeling of just wedging myself between some large rocks, curling up in a blanket on a lakeshore surrounded by mountains and just being present in absolute silence.  The night before I laid on that same beach under a breathtaking blanket of stars.  It’s hard not to feel God in these moments that calm the soul and quiet the struggling or wandering heart.

A quite heart is a rare experience for me but so welcomed.  I enjoy cheesy love quotes and recently found one that said, “It’s you, it’s always been you.”  I’ve always liked the idea of a friendship turning into romance.  To be able to look at someone and suddenly realize, “it’s you,” and have all of the time gap make sense. 

While lying on the cold beach this past weekend, staring up at countless stars and feeling so alive and at peace in the crisp night air, I had the thought of “it’s you, it’s always been you.”  Not about some man though, or friend, but about God. 

I’ve had many phases in life and God has taken me on quite a journey.  I always end up being grateful for His timing or thankful that things didn’t work out certain ways had they been up to me.  I can’t even begin to comprehend what God has done with my life so far and what He will continue to do with it.  Sometimes I just look at my life and shake my head. I’ve been the nerdy homeschooler, the crazy college kid, moved with a band across a country, been a career woman, and currently endeavoring on my “improve physical/mental health outdoorsy woman” phase.  In all of these life phases I have had, God has been there and the one at the center of everything. 

I am writing this blog, to encourage single women to not just “wait.”  There are times in my life where I have just waited for life to start.  Don’t just wait.  Embrace the phases and where God has you at in life.

Be the woman you needed as a girl.   In this phase of life, be a strong, mentally healthy woman that continually grows in life and is present in the life of those around you.  Wrestle with God, and be okay with it rather than drowning in self-pity.

I have had a verse that I always come back to over the years. This past weekend God showed me the verses in front of those verses.  Verses I have read many times, but never quite fully read.  They comforted and reassured me in my restless, wandering heart ways.

Psalm 73:21 When my heart was grieved
    and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
    I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.

I confess I can be senseless and ignorant, and embittered when I don’t get my way, thank God he holds me no matter where I am in life.  And then the familiar verses to me of:

Psalm 73:25-26 ²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

My heart can be restless, and grieved, and embittered.  But recently, it has been quiet and strengthened as it is surrounded by God.  I desire to reach out to others and to live life with others; to love others and want what is best for them even when painful to me or when it goes against my own agendas.  I can be at peace and not worry about “waiting for life to start,” because life is already well on its way and has amazing things to experience.  

We only have so long in this life between the dusts.  Embrace it, experience it, and share it with others.  Go through life phases and changes.  Cherish friendships around you and desire what is best for others.  Be the woman, you needed as a girl, and pour into others.

Building a Home in Exile

I had to vote today.  I didn't want to since I already know that the person who will get it does not align with my personal beliefs.  But voting is a right and a freedom that I highly value and will always exercise. There are multiple theories this year on how to vote…...for the supreme court, for the better politician, for party affiliations, for third party affiliations (but do they count or not?!). 

I hate discussing politics, it’s easy to be offended or offend others no matter what you believe.  As a Christian there is the added element of feeling like I need to vote for the right candidate (the one that God would pick of course).  At this point, with the options presented, I have to trust that God puts leaders of nations in place for a reason, and that this year will be no different.  I do believe that our nation has issues and that we will continue to have issues.  We also have passionate people who are on opposing sides of political and social issues.  We are not a nation at ease and rest.  I know my vote doesn’t impact government on a national level.  I am left to my small area of influence in my own life to impact the lives of those around me.   

Recently I’ve been thinking of making some life changes.  Decisions weigh heavily upon me; to move to a different community, whose lives to be involved in and what ministries to be part of in these potential changes.  These decisions weigh even more heavily because while I can’t control national influence, I can choose where to be involved at on a personal level.

I have heard Jeremiah 29:11 my entire life.  It is on plaques in churches, on greeting cards, and one of the few verses that most people in the Christian community have heard, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  I can still sing the song that goes along with this verse that I learned as a shy, squeaky 4 year old.  Growing up I always thought this verse mean that no matter what, life was supposed to be good with God.  As an adult, I suppose it depends on how you define “good” and what you place value in.

The context of the Jeremiah passage had to do with Israel being exiled to Babylon.  Their entire nation was captured and it is not what I would define as “good.”  God spoke to the surviving elders, priests, prophets and people taken into exile.  They were in a broken place in life.  They would have lost family, homes, and their own identities (with names being changed from their Israelite names to Babylonian names in some instances as this is the time of Daniel).  I would image, that anyone in this situation would be crying out to God to be rescued.  Instead, God tells them this:  Jeremiah 29:5-11 

“This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. ⁶ Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. ⁷ Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” ⁸ Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. ⁹ They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the Lord. ¹⁰ This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

When we look back at Jeremiah 29:4, God does not sugar coat or minimize the Israelite’s infirmities, but in fact, confirms them and even takes ownership over them.  He took responsibility for exiling them, not the Babylonians, and He was there with them through it.  He also told them to prosper in it and to pray because they would be there a long time, and THEN he would bring them out of it.
It is easy to tell God that you trust Him in the good times.  It is hard to live this out when hardships come and our trust is pushed up against our own borders.  

When I’m at low points in life, or stressing over life and politics, I generally hope that God’s response is not “settle in for a while because it is staying the same and I’m not fixing this one right away.”  For the Israelites, seventy years was a whole life time.  He also tells them to increase.  Not to hole up and mope, but to prosper in this hard time for them.  Just to add a little sting for the Israelites, God asks them to care for the people and the city that just captured them.  

This passage made me think of how God has worked in my life and those around me.  I plan my life and how I think it should be, yet God continues to maintain the author rights.  Wherever I may be located at in life or what is going on in my country, I can impact those around me in a positive way.  No, I am not in exile even though it can feel like it or that it is heading that direction.    I can struggle and have dark times, or over analyze a situation or conversation and worry about things that I can’t control. 

Thank God He knows me better than I know myself, because I can continually look back and see things that have happened for a reason in life even when they seemed void of purpose at the time. 

The message He gave to Israel is still valid for us.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  In the midst of dark times, He is still present and we can hope for the future that is far beyond our situations and beyond politics.